Sunday, March 25, 2012


Quite by accident today, I came across a woman's blog where she was writing about her son's life and death. Her son, Brian, died fairly recently, I believe and it was truly a is always the case when someone is called away before we're ready to let go. I had spent a number of years working in various aspects of Hospice, both in California and here in Oregon. One of my duties....wrong word here. "Priviledge" is more accurate..........was facilitating bereavement groups. Now there are many, many ways for each of us to deal with the death of a loved one. I feel there are absolutely no value judgements as to which might be better or worse. There ARE harder and harder and hardest. They all hurt and we deal as best we can. When a parent loses a child, I think we can all agree, that it's a knife that cuts into a parent's heart. When I was with our local bereavement group, I was shocked to realize that out of the 8 that were regularly attending, 5 had experienced the death of a child. That's a lot! There was one woman who's adult son had died quite unexpectedly. I could hardly believe it when she came to our meeting one week to say that she had put together a video of her son's life! She painfully went through all the photo albums she had and pulled out each and every one that revolved around her son's life. I was shockingly impressed at how she had met, head on, that incredible pain and hurt. Not only to put together a lasting memory of her son, but it helped her come to some small level of acceptance for herself. In examining every nook and corner of his life along with her connected heart, she helped heal others, also.
And now I've come across another courageous lady who is doing something similar. Rosaria Williams is a lady who lives here in Port Orford.........very well respected and admired. I haven't had the priviledge of meeting her yet except by computer, but impressed I am that she is writing a blog that will be healing to not only herself, I think, but to others as well. Most all of us, if we're old enough, have experienced the loss of a loved one. Some of us hold it in tight and are not comfortable in sharing our pain with others.......and that's fine.......that's the way most people try and handle it. But at times that pain can squeeze the heart so much that it feels isolating and we don't always know that those feelings and crazy thoughts are common and felt by others as well. That was one of the most common statements I'd hear from newcomers to bereavement...."I feel so alone.......I feel like I'm going crazy." Of course there is pathological grief, but we're not talking about that here. When we hear, or read what others think and much they miss the person gone.....what life looks like now and how they try to deal with it.........these are very healing and beautiful sharings in the face of such loss. I recommend to all that you check out this touching and so worthwhile sharing that Rosaria is writing........the blog link is ......... It will also hold some important musings that any of us might use in our own future griefs that might come along. We all seek happiness and healing, security and laughter.......Recovering, or at least coming to terms with grief can lead us to some measure of Acceptance. And if we're able to pass these healings on to others in word or action, then, welcome to the human race in one of it's most beautiful acts of giving.